No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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