My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
