somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
