i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
