My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love you. Go after that dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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