Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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