just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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