man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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