When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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