Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So vagazzling was a success
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
