woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
