he thought i was a dude.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
