You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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