The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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