I heard we made out
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
