My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
