even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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