the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
