I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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