dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
