I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
