he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
