She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
