There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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