Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm getting married
To pizza
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we're so committed to being not committed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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