M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
