The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
