Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
