'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
