so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
