I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
