It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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