On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
