Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
