whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
