I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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