I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
