I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
