put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
