i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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