I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
