She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
