I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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