Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
