you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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