I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
