our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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