did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
