I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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