Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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