so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
