The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
